The last week was very exhausting for me. Dark clouds came out of nowhere. I could clearly feel my thoughts getting more and more complicated and dark and I was leaving my Inner Center.
In the weeks leading up to it, I finished my first album and approached more than 15 labels about releasing it. All of them turned me down. In the days after, I struggled with that over and over again. It was hard for me not to let it get to me. Until it flooded me. I felt extremely let down. In moments like these, I tend to question my whole life and doubt many past decisions.
I then got over myself and wrote down things that I know from experience are true and help me. This is what came out of it:
- slow down
- do not make life-changing decisions
- failure is learning
- crises bring me further in the long run
- feeling “lost” from time to time is part of a creative life
- i can feel comfortable even in uncomfortable moments
- accept the feelings
- not pressing
- let go
- i can trust in life and in myself
- thoughts are like clouds and are not massive
- one step at a time
I find the first point, slowing down, the most important. Because through this I can best take care of myself.
So I canceled all my appointments for the day and went to one of my favorite lakes outside of Berlin. With every meter into nature, my thoughts slowed down and became clearer.
Then I realized what the learning experience in this crisis is: not to link my self-worth to successes or failures on the outside.
In my experience, we all do this from time to time – or even every day 😉 If it’s not professional success, then it’s relationships or possessions.
I think it is important to emphasize that this behavior is innocent. After all, this is one of the pillars on which capitalism in the Western world is based. If you have, then you are. Something was lost in this that goes much much deeper. I feel much truth in the statement that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We are more than our fleshly body and what we can do and experience with it. Deep within us is hidden an essence that is not of this world. The more connected we are to this essence, the more secure, happy and fulfilled we feel. The more we get lost in thought and forget our connection to this essence, the more gloomy the world around us becomes. That’s when our insecurities really grab hold and make the clouds get even bigger, denser and darker. Speaking in a metaphor, it is as if we were diving several meters underwater, even though our snorkel is only 30cm long. And exactly then only one thing has the highest priority: slow down, resurface and take care of ourselves.
How is this in your life? Do you already unlink self worth and success? Do you regularly take time to slow down? Do you schedule enough time to do so?
What helps you get more into your body and out of your thoughts? What about it is healthy for you in the long run?
If you like, you can put together a little “emergency list”. You can then consult this list when your mood sinks deeper.